Usually around my birthday, I like to sit back and reflect on what I’ve learned over the last year and how I am so blessed to be where I am presently. Honestly it has been a whirlwind of tears, smiles, and the most demanding lessons I’ve had in recent years. All the while, I’ve really discovered who I am and what I am passionate about.
Life definitely threw some curve balls at me and I had my ups as well as my downs. The daunting occurrences are usually the most abundant in regards to lessons. Last year I was in a relationship that was awful to my wellbeing. It was an incredibly emotionally abusive involvement that constantly depleted me. For some reason, the way that I was being treated had completely subdued my strength –especially my voice. I had lost myself entirely. I am unsure how I let someone do this to me –maybe it was his sweet words or his promises to love and protect me. Yet this protectiveness was coming from a very manipulative, and insecure place within himself –this had nothing to do with me. Once I realized this, it’s like the sun shined down through the haze, and it opened up my eyes as to what the reality of the situation was and we ended it. Shortly thereafter he reached out to me and we started regaining contact again. I had found my voice and I was not going to be subdued again. Consequently, I severed all ties with him and learned to walk away. He was a boy with a lot of potential but he was lost and blind, and because of this, he could not accept my love. Love really does begin within and if you cannot acquire love for yourself, it’s not possible to love another from a positive and sincere place. He loved from a place of fear and confusion. We all have to learn the differences in the ways that others care for one another –when we find the right person, that love will grow genuinely.
Walking through life, we have to be aware of all of the signs that the universe is gently pushing into our path. Sometimes, it’s figuratively neon signs saying, “This way Monique! Monique! Over here!!” with huge arrows and flashing lights and parade music. Ignoring these signs results in the universe getting really annoyed with you and it plans to take it out on you in a passive aggressive way. Trust me –learn your lessons the first time around. You really do not want to have life smack you in the face again and again trying to get a point across. It is NOT fun.
I had multiple opportunities and chances to leave my place of work last year. It had become a toxic environment from all sides and I felt like I was not going anywhere –and I really wasn’t. Life was trying to push me out, but I was being stubborn and wanted to stay. I was very comfortable, excelled at my job, and had mastered exactly what to say and do. Sometimes, life needs to challenge you in ways that may be uncomfortable at first, but it really is better for you in the long haul. We are human and are instinctively attracted to experiences that we feel most comfortable with. Yet, the juiciest pieces of life are when you get out of your comfort zone and you are put on edge and it’s difficult. Follow your path in life gently, be aware of yourself, and you will realize how much the universe is trying to tell you. Life has a plan for you, and when you steer off into uncharted territory because it feels comfortable, life is going to punch you in the face with a huge wake up call. Just listen and it will get easier.
I have experienced and learned so much about myself while being 27 years old. I have realized that my voice that I had uncovered again is really rather strong and resilient. I would not know this about myself had it not been for the painful and heart-wrenching encounters I endured. When everything seems dark and awful, just remember that without going through this, you cannot truly appreciate the good. I’d truthfully rather be hurt than to stay closed up and never experience anything at all. Besides, if we’re never broken, there’s no chance for light to get in or out. I know that my 28th year is going to be exceptional.
- Plan my trip to Spain/Europe
- Continue writing and expanding my blog
- Do something creative everyday
- Do something in nature everyday (possibly do #3 and #4 together!)
- Put myself into uncomfortable situations (the good kind obviously…I’d rather not be kidnapped, k, thanks)
- Clear all of my debt and successfully plan my finances for the future
- Endure my stepping stones as I make my way to finish school.
- Finish my BA and graduate in 2017 or before.
Bring it on!