I am the type of person that with each new experience and person that comes into my life, I strive to grow and learn from these chance encounters. I believe that there is a purpose for everything that happens in our lives. A smile from a stranger, tripping on the sidewalk –there are various intents as to why these things can happen. You’re feeling melancholy and a stranger smiles at you. It’s pretty hard not to smile back and in turn, your mood elevates. You tripped on the sidewalk, but you laugh it off and start to pay attention to everything around you and you find you are pleasantly surprised. You can choose to look at things from a positive or a negative perspective –it’s your choice. I choose to look at things in a positive light; and, yes, it’s kind of difficult at times, but life is about finding the good and overcoming the obstacles.
The people around you are meant to teach you lessons about yourself, love, and relationships. This is the whole reason that we are here on Earth –to learn to love ourselves and others. I believe that the special ones that come into our lives, such as family, best friends, and lovers, are our soul mates. A soul mate is someone that is intended to instruct a very important lesson about ourselves. Have you ever had a strong connection to someone that you couldn’t overcome? It’s not necessarily a sexual attraction, but something that literally pulls you towards each other, like a magnet? More than likely, that was one of your soul mates. So what did you discover from them?
I have had quite a few soul mates in my life and though most of them have only been with me for a short time, the impact of those experiences will stay with me always. So, what have I learned from these endeavors?
My initial encounter with love was a mess of hormones, confusion, and all of the exciting and terrifying feelings of first love. It was one of those fun relationships where we would literally break up every month and get back together after a few days –we were VERY young and stupid. After about four to five years of this, the finale was intense heartbreak where I was completely inconsolable, weeping in a ball on the floor, unable to move. So what was the point of this catastrophe? The cause of our ending was that it was unquestionably not meant to be but my lesson is accurately the most important piece of me that I have discovered. I learned that I should never be with someone that has to think twice about being with me. You should never undervalue yourself, no matter how much you love the other person. If it is a relationship full of imbalance, you are not meant to be together –and most of all, you deserve more. I feel that this is one of the greatest lessons you can acquire –to fully love and respect yourself. If you don’t, then how can you expect others to?
I am a very nurturing and supportive person –I can’t help it as much as I want to stop. As I’ve said before, people annoy me greatly; nonetheless, I attempt to do my best at helping and supporting those around me. Part of the reason that I am so drawn to psychology and self-development is that I have grown through the same occurrences, and I would like to share with those around me. The downfall of this is ending up in long, drawn out relationships where I end up looking after the boyfriend, rather than having a healthy, and emotionally stable connection. Despite these unfortunate relationships, I’d much rather have experienced them now while I’m younger, and gathering what I need from them, than ending up with the wrong person for the rest of my life.
I’ve realized that there are different types of love and in order to make a relationship work, you both need to have that same amount of passion towards each other. If you realize it’s not working, it’s unfair for BOTH of you to continue. Again, you are undervaluing yourself because you don’t want to hurt the other person but you’re really harming each other more by keeping the relationship going. It saves a lot of time and energy to be honest with yourself and others. Like pulling a bandage off –it’s better to pull quickly and endure the high, stinging pain that results, than slowly taking it off –you are just extending and strengthening the pain and hurt even more.
I’ve learned that no matter how much you love someone, if they don’t love themselves, all of the love in the world will not show them what an amazing person they truly are. I’ve always rolled my eyes at the statement, “You have to love yourself first,” but after my last relationship, I never comprehended how significant that truth really is. Just as you learn to love from your parents, the root of love really does start with yourself.
Being on this dating website, a few friends have commented that I’m rushing to find “my one,” and that you find your soul mate when you’re not looking. This is not my reasoning for being on a dating website –I’m not looking to get married or start a family ANY TIME SOON. I have truthfully not been legitimately single and enjoying life on my own since high school and I’m not content with going into my thirties like that. As I’ve stated in prior posts, you do not realize how hard it is to meet people. I’m not looking to date a bunch of guys at the same time and I’m absolutely NOT going to start sleeping around with them either. I want to meet new people and learn about their experiences and their journeys, and open myself up to different ways of living life. In a perfect world, I would ditch everything and just start traveling the world by myself and do it that way, rather than looking at a computer screen, but that’s not achievable for me right now. I’m working towards my dreams and my goals and while I feel like I’m stationary in an ever-moving world around me, I want to learn more and grow more before I even think about settling down -that’s never been one of my goals in life. I want to stumble upon my lessons in life and learn about myself and others, and if I find that “one,” along the way, then he will be one of those soul mates that I was drawn to so powerfully.