My Sun

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When the sun leaves the sky,
That’s how I feel when we leave each other.
I’m left glowing and your imprints remain on my skin.
After awhile they fade away into the sky,
And you leave stars in my eyes…
The night sky only glows so brightly when she knows the sun will kiss her in the morning.

Focus On Moving Forward

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Saw this beautiful message today and it could not come at a more perfect moment.

So how do you get ‘unstuck’? I have yet to answer this question for myself…however, I do not believe it’s something that just happens after a few decisions in the right direction. Today the options and paths you can take are endless so it’s no wonder that we can feel overwhelmed so easily. When I feel immersed, I become paralyzed. I tend to get into this vicious cycle of dreaming about the future and then quickly becoming guilty and ashamed because there’s so much more I could have done in the past to make my future better. Clearly, this is self-sabotaging and just plain negative.
The choices that you’ve made have only made you into this amazing person today so gently respect and regard your past; do not judge it –just let it be, because it cannot be changed. The only thing that you can do is make decisions now that will push you positively forward. Forget about the ‘why’ and focus on the DOING instead!!


“Compare where you are to where you want to be, and you’ll get nowhere.” -Sara Bareilles -Uncharted

Be Your Own, First

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How many times have your relationships not worked out? We could be here a while I know…
Now that you’re thinking about it, do you see a commonality?
In all of my experiences and relationships, I take personal responsibility for my part in it. Yes, I may have been cheated on and had my heart crushed multiple times and yes, it was awful and terrible. Yet in all of these instances, the one consistency is ME.
Learning to love myself was one of my greatest lessons in life thus far; it’s a relationship that you have to work on continuously. In retrospect, a lot of my relationship issues were caused from not loving myself enough. I stayed in relationships because I was too scared to leave; because I didn’t want to hurt the other person; because I didn’t realize my self-worth; because I didn’t know I deserved better. The majority of relationship problems stem from miscommunication and perspective. The tricky part is that our perspective is widely affected by our self-esteem. How can we view and treat others with respect and love if we don’t respect and love ourselves first?
That’s why learning to love yourself is the first step to accepting love from others. We can only receive the love we think we deserve. You should come to the realization that you deserve a love that fills every inch of you; a love that makes your heart smile and persists and thrives even in times without light. But first you need to learn to fall in love with yourself. <3

Create Your Own Happiness

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Sometimes we can get so trapped and caught up in our own thoughts of work and school and our routine that we miss out on the bigger picture. It’s tough to stay in the moment when there’s so much going on around you. Your mind keeps racing before bed while you keep making lists in your head of all of the things that you still need to do. It’s okay to feel like this and it’s okay to experience this but you should not get so stuck that you let life pass you by as you just run through the motions.
Take three deep breaths and your entire perspective widens. Just remember that these little intricacies and complexities of life are just that –in the wider scheme of things they do not matter as much as YOU.
Learn to take care of yourself; change your perspective like the widening of a film shot; and most of all –don’t forget to actually LIVE and be PRESENT. What’s the point with working towards having it ‘all’ when you miss out on all of the greatness around you? You already have everything you need within you and everything that life has presented are the instruments to create your own happiness. (picture by @earmarksocial )

Better Things Up Ahead

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All our experiences up to this point have created and molded us into who we are. I am a true believer that whatever we endure –we are meant to learn from and in return we become stronger and more resilient for what has yet to come.
Yesterday I came into contact with people from my past and disappointingly they were involved in one of the most awful experiences I’ve had. Even though I quickly fell to pieces the moment I saw them, the one fragment I can take away from this is the comparison of my growth between that distressing involvement and my present.
We can never change the past and I honestly do not believe in regrets –there is only the act of acquiring wisdom from our mistakes. I’m thankful for all that has been –no matter how intense; I’m thankful for all that I have –because without my past, I would have nothing; and I’m thankful for all that has yet to be –because everything thus far has led me to this point now.
Never be remorseful for your past because your present would look very very different without it. <3

Let the Goodness Grow

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Sometimes it gets so overwhelming trying to set your goals and really follow through with your dreams. Personally I find it difficult to keep my passion going. Try this approach… Don’t think about 5 years from now -think about the little things within your control right now and today. It will seem less scary and paralyzing if you break it up into parts you can actually mold and create. It will make your life and dreams more tangible. You can easily construct the good in your life that you want to. In turn, your positive actions will bring about more goodness, and who doesn’t want that?
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You Inspire Me

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The people that you have in your life are there by no mistake. Every circumstance, every word, and every interaction has an effect on all those around you. Be open to why certain individuals are in your life. Be inspired; learn to love in different ways and be loved in return; be motivated; be pushed; and experience as much as you can take in. ♡ Over the years I have personally limited the people that I surround myself with. I’d rather choose good-hearted and genuine friends around me that share a mutual motivation to inspire and affect others. If you are in my life, you are there for a reason and it means that you have truly influenced me and my decisions at one point or another-could be from a conversation or just from you being you. Just be yourself and always act with intention and love-you never know how you can affect someone. <3

Just Live In the Moment

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One thing I’ve learned from the past few weeks is to just really live in the moment. I’ve spent too much time in the past over-analyzing every little word someone says to me and this just creates issues that were never there. The best friendships and relationships happen naturally and gracefully. They’re not going to be amazing or real if you force it, so just let it be. When you’ve found someone in your life that accepts you when you’re being completely yourself -without the anxieties, without the questioning, and without the assumptions- that’s the best feeling in the world. They sincerely make your heart smile. ♡ 

Don’t Over-Complicate Life

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Definitely had to be reminded of this today. I’ve been super frustrated with work lately and I realized that it really doesn’t need to be like that-I’m only reacting that way. So I stop myself, breathe, and figure out what I can do to make the situation better -put music on, change my methods, and recognize that these little irritations don’t matter as much as the big picture. I am so grateful for the life that I have. That I’m here and that I’m ME-everything that I’ve done in my life, the steps, the words, the directions I’ve taken, it’s all led me to this point now and I’ve affected everyone that I’ve come into contact with. We are all more meaningful and influential than we give ourselves credit for. I’m thankful for kissing all of the frogs in the past and being found by someone that makes me realize that all of those terrible dates, and boyfriends, and searching, and frustrations may have only led me here for an amazing reason… We live in this absolutely beautiful and stunning place and whenever you walk outside into the sunlight, let it awaken your gratefulness for all that you have, all that you will receive and all that is yet to come. ♡ 

The Key

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And being excited is an understatement. However, don’t be so focused on the hours and days or weeks ahead and forget to live in this moment too. Be present. I’m grateful for all that I have, all that I will receive and and everything that is to come.

Be Courageous

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Push yourself to accomplish your goals. Tell someone how much you truly care about them. I promise you that when you’re courageous, amazing and positive things will occur. Try it and tell me how it goes. ♡

The Stars Within

She stepped barefoot through the wet grass,

Green flecks sticking to her toes.

The wind pushed back her hair like invisible fingers,

Tracing the outline of her features.

She held a cross-body bag close to her hip,

Her hand clinging to the top zipper,

Fearful that its’ precious contents would spill out.

She gently undid the top of the bag,

Wedged her hand inside and grasped a small book.

It was drenched in stardust,

Trickling onto the ground and her skirt; sticking to her palms,

There was a trail of wet, dewy stars trailing behind her.

She carried a tiny, infinite universe within her bag,

It held endless possibilities and it was up to her to dream and create them.

She wrote and drew all of her wishes, hopes, and desires in her star-kissed book.

Every time she did, she created more stars, nebulas, and everlasting life and light.

Anything and everything she wanted,

All she had to do was visualize and she instantly created it.

 

She was grateful for her gifts and abilities,

However, there was a loneliness inside her heart,

She yearned for someone extraordinary to share her creations with.

She began to write down all of the qualities she would like in another,

She was detailed in her wishes and a small nebula started to form.

It was tucked away in the corner of her universe, between two planets.

She waited patiently but the nebula did not expand as quickly as others had before,

It seemed suspended in its’ growing state.

She continued on, designing more and more of her unbounded universe,

And soon she put the beautiful, odd nebula out of her starry head.

 

With every dream and star she created,

Another piece of her was unmasked,

Gathered from the lush and vaporous universe.

Soon, her whole heart was revealed as she gazed at her cosmos, satisfied with her innovations.

In the corner of her eye, the unusual nebula began to spread out,

Clouds of colors and light start to form until an immense orb of light shoots out into the vastness.

She shields her eyes.

When she regains her vision, the nebula is gone.

All that remains is the night sky and stars in the distance.

 

Perplexed by the strange occurrence, she scoops up her bag and continues walking.

Tiny droplets start to fall from the clouds up above,

Beads cling to her cheeks and eyelashes as she starts to jog out of the rain.

Puddles form on the ground and she realizes that they are full of stardust.

She looks up at the clouds and they emulate the nebula mist she saw in her universe.

 

She sees something up ahead through the starry haze and her breath is taken away.

On the path, there’s a bright figure of glimmering fog floating in her direction,

As the silhouette glides closer, she senses a sparkling energy in the air, pulsing from the tiny, electrifying cloud.

Distance starts to close in and a feeling of familiarity and intimacy rush and warm through her heart, radiating outwards.

Her legs pull towards the cloud like a magnet,

As she approaches, reaching her fingers out, the mist envelops her in its’ stunning, warm light.

It seeps into her skin, flowing through her body, filling and saturating her.

All at once, she feels full, whole and light as an angel’s feather.

Her eyes are shimmering more than ever before.

She is the most brilliant and radiant star in her sky.

She is complete –filled with all of the love she has given to every starry fragment.

She is her ultimate creation; she is her universe.

 

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I’ve been working on this short story for a few weeks now. I kept going back to it, changing and revising it because I never felt like it was complete. In the beginning, I had planned to have her meet the love of her life in the ending but it just didn’t feel right after it was all laid out on paper –something was off. It seemed like one of those Disney fairytales where the princess cannot be truly happy or whole until the prince comes to rescue her. In my feminist habits, this is absolutely furthest from the message that I wanted to convey.

However, writing this has been a journey all on its’ own for my own realization that the only true love that you should be looking for is the one with yourself. You know in your heart that you deserve more than the relationships that you’ve had in the past, so why don’t you act with that purpose? Knowing is one thing but acting with that knowledge is true wisdom.

You can only find your better whole when you’ve created yourself first. That’s one of the major lessons of life –we’re uncovering so many different pieces of ourselves along the way. Sometimes our path gets shrouded with missteps and we end up following our emotions rather than what our heart is really trying to tell us. I feel it’s rather simple but we overcomplicate it so much that we lose the true meaning of life and of love.

Create yourself and I don’t mean in the way that you need to make up who you are. You already are who you are –give as much love as you can to every piece of yourself; you’ll unfold and blossom. Use that passion to build yourself up, never tear yourself down; learn what works and what doesn’t; take time to heal when another’s actions harm you –your scars are lessons that make you resilient. But truly, once you find that passion within, it’s like you unveil all of the parts of yourself that you never realized were there. Your own creativity and your love will move the mountains that you place in your own way. And once you fully act with love, there’s no reason for your true self to be covered up anymore. And maybe that’s when you’ll find someone that sees that beauty and loves every piece of you.

 

The Only Exception

I always make it a point to write from my heart on all of my topics; however I prefer to keep my personal romantic endeavors quite vague and inexplicit. This article will be an exception to that.

I’ve come to a point in the last few months that I was considering deleting my online dating account. Honestly, trying to filter out who’s actually genuine and real is draining and exhausting. It had made me despondent and I started believing that there really are no gentlemen left –only lost boys disguised as them.

In my experience over the last four months, I have come across only one noteworthy man. Let’s call him Gary for anonymity’s sake.

Gary seemed very put together –he was handsome and witty; he was working on his MBA, had traveled all over the world, and had studied abroad in different countries for school and for work. For all intents and purposes, he actually had his life and future together which was quite refreshing. Frankly, I was intimidated –he was intelligent, articulate, but for some reason, it was hard to ascertain his attraction towards me. I had honestly never met anyone like him before; he made me flustered. However, his conversations with me came off as ostentatious and hard-hitting. This gave me the impression that he thought I should inform myself more on social issues –which is not entirely false, but there’s a gentler and cordial approach that could have been used. I responded with silence and felt stifled. Despite my instincts telling me we were absolutely wrong for one another, I continued our puzzling friendship and intimate involvement; mostly out of boredom and curiosity. I wondered if he would ever open up and really share himself with me; but I took it for what it was and concluded that he did not want anything more than our current arrangement.

A little over three months went by and we had a routine that we would hang out every weekend; I would sleepover and quickly and quietly leave in the morning. I had never been in a situation like that before so not having those definite borders within an established relationship was new to me. And although this different approach was thrilling and exciting; in retrospect, I was settling for comfort and fun over my well-deserved butterflies, romance, and passion. He never made me feel that he wanted to be amorous with me and it was my fault for continuing on, letting him believe that I was content with it. Again, another self-respect lesson. Why settle and spend time with someone you know you have no future with? You’re only postponing for when the right one will come along.

I sent him a message explaining how we weren’t perfect for one another, how our fling had obviously fizzled out, and just being respectful of our friendship and our time together –because in all honesty, I did really enjoy his company –he is a very distinctive and clever guy. I was basically giving him an out if he wanted it –testing the waters to see if I should just move on or not.

Now I’m not going to go into detail about the events that transpired afterwards. As much as I am hurt and saddened to not have him in my life any longer, I am not the type of woman to rant to the online world about the specific wrongdoings of another. When two people are not right together, no matter how much you care, it just won’t work out. And he made it clear that he truly had no idea what he wanted –and it definitely was not me.

The Universe pushes us in the right direction all the time –especially when we’re off track. If we don’t make our move and sit in the wrong place for too long, we get burned by our inactions. Settling for something not meant for you is being indecisive and you’re only hurting yourself. You become too afraid to make a choice to walk away. And truthfully, I was afraid to walk away –as casual as it was. Closing the door to a situation is always frightening because it’s hard to see yourself without them or having things be different.

This circumstance has positively changed my perspective and opened my eyes. Of course there were a lot of other interactions with different guys and possibilities, but none of them are worth mentioning. I truly know what I want in the man I give my heart to –whether he’s online, already in my life now, or I meet him someday. Settling for anything less than what I want is unacceptable. Being “casual” with someone is completely overrated and absolutely beyond complicated. Adding sex into the mix of an already confusing situation made me feel attached to someone I really didn’t feel a strong connection to in the first place. I need to be clear-cut and honest about my feelings with someone and I want that fully reciprocated. I don’t deserve being tossed back and forth because someone doesn’t know what they want. I want someone that knows exactly what he wants and isn’t afraid to express that and go after it. I want to be chased, I want to be pursued, I want to be won over by someone. I want romance and I want to be treated like he believes I’m the most incredible woman in the world. Because at this point, I’m aware of how easily I open up my heart to people and that’s really not being fair to myself. How can I let someone fight for my heart if I just openly give it to them initially?

So whether I meet someone online again, he’s already in my life, or I haven’t met him yet –he’s got to pull down the stars from the heavens if he truly wants me and my love entirely.

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