From Outlander. <3
A little over 6 months ago I was ready to give up on my dating search. Then I received an out of the ordinary, sweet and simple message from a very fetching and handsome gentleman. We spoke continually for a few weeks; he wasn’t at all pushy or insistent, and then finally we went out on our first date. His flatteringly, dazed face when he first saw me in person is still the look he has when I catch him gazing at me. It’s taken about 6 months for me to (almost) get used to how well he treats me –you will be happy to know that I finally “allow” him to open doors for me without refusal. He’s become a person in my life that really compliments me rather than consumes and engulfs me. He’s become my best friend that I can be my absolute and ridiculously nerdy self with. I’m still surprised how easily we get along and how similar we are to one another. I am so grateful every day that he found me and I’m certainly blessed that he is my boyfriend. I love you him much.
Happy belated 6 months!!!! <3
Hello my love, how I have missed you….your soft golden light, your spicy scent of foliage and cooking in the air. Please be good to me and my loved ones. I promise that I will celebrate your presence with heaps of baking, and with as many sweater layers, socks, and boots that I can while under your California autumn sun. Please share yourself with the winter air and rain so that my nose and head do not learn to loathe your harsh, warm winds. I know you are just doing your job -to break away the pieces left behind so that in 6 months from now, new seeds can come back to life. I will embrace all that you offer and all that you express.
When the sun leaves the sky,
That’s how I feel when we leave each other.
I’m left glowing and your imprints remain on my skin.
After awhile they fade away into the sky,
And you leave stars in my eyes…
The night sky only glows so brightly when she knows the sun will kiss her in the morning.
She stepped barefoot through the wet grass,
Green flecks sticking to her toes.
The wind pushed back her hair like invisible fingers,
Tracing the outline of her features.
She held a cross-body bag close to her hip,
Her hand clinging to the top zipper,
Fearful that its’ precious contents would spill out.
She gently undid the top of the bag,
Wedged her hand inside and grasped a small book.
It was drenched in stardust,
Trickling onto the ground and her skirt; sticking to her palms,
There was a trail of wet, dewy stars trailing behind her.
She carried a tiny, infinite universe within her bag,
It held endless possibilities and it was up to her to dream and create them.
She wrote and drew all of her wishes, hopes, and desires in her star-kissed book.
Every time she did, she created more stars, nebulas, and everlasting life and light.
Anything and everything she wanted,
All she had to do was visualize and she instantly created it.
She was grateful for her gifts and abilities,
However, there was a loneliness inside her heart,
She yearned for someone extraordinary to share her creations with.
She began to write down all of the qualities she would like in another,
She was detailed in her wishes and a small nebula started to form.
It was tucked away in the corner of her universe, between two planets.
She waited patiently but the nebula did not expand as quickly as others had before,
It seemed suspended in its’ growing state.
She continued on, designing more and more of her unbounded universe,
And soon she put the beautiful, odd nebula out of her starry head.
With every dream and star she created,
Another piece of her was unmasked,
Gathered from the lush and vaporous universe.
Soon, her whole heart was revealed as she gazed at her cosmos, satisfied with her innovations.
In the corner of her eye, the unusual nebula began to spread out,
Clouds of colors and light start to form until an immense orb of light shoots out into the vastness.
She shields her eyes.
When she regains her vision, the nebula is gone.
All that remains is the night sky and stars in the distance.
Perplexed by the strange occurrence, she scoops up her bag and continues walking.
Tiny droplets start to fall from the clouds up above,
Beads cling to her cheeks and eyelashes as she starts to jog out of the rain.
Puddles form on the ground and she realizes that they are full of stardust.
She looks up at the clouds and they emulate the nebula mist she saw in her universe.
She sees something up ahead through the starry haze and her breath is taken away.
On the path, there’s a bright figure of glimmering fog floating in her direction,
As the silhouette glides closer, she senses a sparkling energy in the air, pulsing from the tiny, electrifying cloud.
Distance starts to close in and a feeling of familiarity and intimacy rush and warm through her heart, radiating outwards.
Her legs pull towards the cloud like a magnet,
As she approaches, reaching her fingers out, the mist envelops her in its’ stunning, warm light.
It seeps into her skin, flowing through her body, filling and saturating her.
All at once, she feels full, whole and light as an angel’s feather.
Her eyes are shimmering more than ever before.
She is the most brilliant and radiant star in her sky.
She is complete –filled with all of the love she has given to every starry fragment.
She is her ultimate creation; she is her universe.
I’ve been working on this short story for a few weeks now. I kept going back to it, changing and revising it because I never felt like it was complete. In the beginning, I had planned to have her meet the love of her life in the ending but it just didn’t feel right after it was all laid out on paper –something was off. It seemed like one of those Disney fairytales where the princess cannot be truly happy or whole until the prince comes to rescue her. In my feminist habits, this is absolutely furthest from the message that I wanted to convey.
However, writing this has been a journey all on its’ own for my own realization that the only true love that you should be looking for is the one with yourself. You know in your heart that you deserve more than the relationships that you’ve had in the past, so why don’t you act with that purpose? Knowing is one thing but acting with that knowledge is true wisdom.
You can only find your better whole when you’ve created yourself first. That’s one of the major lessons of life –we’re uncovering so many different pieces of ourselves along the way. Sometimes our path gets shrouded with missteps and we end up following our emotions rather than what our heart is really trying to tell us. I feel it’s rather simple but we overcomplicate it so much that we lose the true meaning of life and of love.
Create yourself and I don’t mean in the way that you need to make up who you are. You already are who you are –give as much love as you can to every piece of yourself; you’ll unfold and blossom. Use that passion to build yourself up, never tear yourself down; learn what works and what doesn’t; take time to heal when another’s actions harm you –your scars are lessons that make you resilient. But truly, once you find that passion within, it’s like you unveil all of the parts of yourself that you never realized were there. Your own creativity and your love will move the mountains that you place in your own way. And once you fully act with love, there’s no reason for your true self to be covered up anymore. And maybe that’s when you’ll find someone that sees that beauty and loves every piece of you.